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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28471605">Jan Valentine Yoshikage Kira Moments</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Scourgefan12/pseuds/Scourgefan12'>Scourgefan12</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Hellsing</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Established Relationship, M/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-11 01:14:07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,609</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28471605</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Scourgefan12/pseuds/Scourgefan12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>It occurs to Jan that he's never actually seen Doc's hands, those damn gloves are always in the way. He tries to get to the bottom of why this is.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>The Doctor (Hellsing)/Jan Valentine</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Jan Valentine Yoshikage Kira Moments</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>One thing Jan noticed as he and Doc started spending more time together, was that Doc never seemed to take off his gloves. Like, literally never, not once had Jan seen him without them. And Jan wasn't one to pay much attention to details, so it took him a little while to catch onto this, but once it clicked with him he couldn't stop noticing it.</p><p>On one hand, it sort of made sense. Doc's work was kinda gross and messy, the type of thing you wouldn't want to do with your bare hands. (The kind of thing most people wouldn't want to do with their bare hands. Jan personally had no qualms about digging into people's organs and shit bare handed, but maybe that's part of why he wasn't a doctor of any kind.) Not to mention the risk of making your patient catch something if you just stick your hand in there rawdog style.</p><p>So, Jan got it. Doc wanted to actually be responsible and good at his job, nothing wrong with that. Except it was more complicated than that, because Doc kept those suckers on even when he was off the job. Even when there was nothing for him to be doing, at least nothing that required the gloves, stuff that didn't involve a living subject or a patient of any kind. Even when he wasn't doing anything work related, just living his life and whatever.</p><p>There were times where Doc would take off his lab coat, slip into something more casual and he'd go out of his way to keep the gloves on. And <em>that</em> was weird if you asked Jan, he had trouble thinking of a reason for that.</p><p>Did Doc just think they looked that good, that he needed to wear them twenty-four-seven? Because newsflash, they really weren't that great. There was nothing all that appealing about a pair of elbow length gloves, they weren't that special. Jan didn't give a shit about fashion, a lot of what he wore was chosen either for comfort or so he could match with his brother, but even he knew they looked dumb, especially without the lab coat going with them.</p><p>Maybe it was because of his weird finger thing. What was it called? Pterodactyl? Maybe Doc was just embarrassed about that and liked keeping his hands covered up so people wouldn't see. Which Jan thought was kind of stupid, out of all the things he could be self conscious about, Jan didn't think his weird fingers should be on that list. It was just a little birth defect, one you barely even noticed unless Doc got his hands all over you. But whatever, it wasn't like you could choose what you were embarrassed about. If you could, then Jan might have some semblance of shame in him.</p><p>Or maybe it was something more simple. Maybe Doc just forgot about them? He might have just been so used to them that it didn't occur to him to take them off. That sort of made sense, Jan did that with his piercings sometimes, which usually resulted in him falling asleep with them in and then waking up in pain. Which he would ignore completely and then repeat the same mistake again later.</p><p>Whatever the reason, it was pretty weird. Jan couldn't help but be curious, like he needed to get to the bottom of this. He always got like that when he knew someone was hiding something from him, which was fairly often since he wasn't exactly the type of person others trusted with their secrets.</p><p>He wanted to just come out and ask, try and get some answers straight from the source. However, if Doc was anything like him, then when he was faced with a question that bothered him, he'd deflect. Change the subject, snap at Jan if it really got to him. Not that he really had any reason to think Doc was like him, but he didn't have any reason to <em>not</em> think this was the case either. And if he didn't have reason to think someone wouldn't get mad at him, he usually assumed that they would and proceeded accordingly. (Which usually meant doing what he felt like anyway without giving a shit about the consequences. Unless it was someone he actually cared about, then he'd act with caution. As much as he was capable of, anyway.)</p><p>So, no bringing the subject up. Not yet, not until he could think up a more careful way to word it or figure out just how sensitive Doc was about this through observation. He wasn't gonna hold his breath for that first option, he fucking sucked with words. He wasn't too great at observation either, just sitting and watching was never his strong suit, he preferred just <em>doing</em> things. However, he figured he should at least try, Doc deserved that much.</p><p>He ended up not having to try for very long. Not because he was smart and managed to figure something out, the exact opposite actually. He was so bad at the whole observation thing that he wasn't able to do it for more than a day before Doc realized something was up.</p><p>To be fair, he probably should've expected that. He took the task very literally, spending their time together just... staring. He wasn't sure what else he was supposed to do, there couldn't have been much more to it than that.</p><p>He didn't even try to be subtle either. His eyes hardly left Doc for a second, which wasn't really anything new, just about every time they were together Jan would ogle shamelessly, undressing Doc with his eyes. This was different, though.</p><p>For one, he was completely silent. A rare feat for him, usually he wasn't able to shut up, his voice loud enough to echo off of the walls. Which wasn't exactly impressive, the lab was built like a fucking cavern, he was sure anything louder than a typical indoor speaking voice would echo. (He wondered if it was designed like that on purpose, to add another layer of terror to anyone who ended up down there unwillingly, make their screams of pain just bounce right back to them and ring in their head. He wanted to think that was the case, mostly cause picturing Doc being that much of a sadist was pretty hot.)</p><p>He was just so focused, it didn't occur to him that maybe he should try to make some sort of conversation. Make some attempt at acting natural.</p><p>He was also only staring at one part of Doc, that being his hands. They really were nice, Jan thought so at least. Careful, precise, surprisingly nimble despite functionally only having four working fingers. Now, if only he actually knew what they looked like. He could speculate, that was almost as fun as actually getting to see them.</p><p>They'd be pale for sure, being covered all the time they didn't get any light, natural or otherwise. His fingers would be long and bony, that much Jan already knew without getting a direct look, it was easy enough to see and feel even through the gloves. Maybe he'd have some callouses here and there, Jan wasn't so sure, he worked a lot but Jan didn't know if scientist stuff was the sort of thing to cause those. And they'd be warm, all of Doc was warm in comparison to Jan, but the thought of feeling the warmth of his hands without the extra layer of protection in the way was enough to get Jan kind of excited. </p><p>...God. He was really just standing there fantasizing about fucking hands, huh? Not that he was embarrassed about it, he'd thought of way more niche and fucked up stuff before. He was just kinda surprised, he never thought hands were anything worth getting all worked up over. Went to show just how much a sense of mystery changed things.</p><p>It didn't take long for Doc to notice Jan's staring, only a few minutes. It seemed to agitate him. He shuffled uncomfortably, at first trying to ignore it, hoping that not giving it attention would get Jan to stop. He did this to Jan a lot, whenever the other tried to interrupt his work to fool around. That is, when he didn't just shut Jan down completely.</p><p>When it became clear that ignoring it wasn't working, he looked over at Jan, trying to see if he figure out what his deal was. Jan didn't react much to this, meeting his eyes for a few seconds before going back to whatever he'd been looking at before.</p><p>It was unnerving. He'd never known Jan to get this absorbed in his thoughts before. Was something wrong? Something bothering him? Doc mulled the question over in his head, raising one of his hands to his face and sinking his teeth into one of his fingers.</p><p>He quickly pulled away with a quiet hiss of pain. He looked at the area he'd bitten, noting a small dab of blood starting to bleed through, and sighed. Must have reopened an old bite. He was starting to think that this was a nervous habit he should try breaking.</p><p>With that, he decided to actually address Jan. "Can I help you?" Not the best way to convey his concern, but he was also rather uncomfortable, so whatever.</p><p>Jan froze up for a second at the question, not having expected to get called out like that, at least not so soon. In hindsight, he was being very obvious, he had no reason to be surprised. He scoured through his mind, trying to figure out the right way to say what was on his mind. He quickly gave up on this and just threw out whatever words came to him first.</p><p>"What's up with your hands? Like, why've I never seen 'em?" Might as well just get straight to the point, he never was one for beating around the bush or being delicate with his words. "And I ain't talkin' about the syphilis thing. That better not be why you hide 'em all the time, I already know about that so it's not like I'd be freaked out by it."</p><p>Doc was quiet for a few seconds, looking away. "That's... Part of it, if I'm being honest."</p><p>Jan blinked at that response. He hadn't expected Doc to be so straightforward about it. The fucker didn't even correct Jan on the name of his weird finger thing, which he always did whenever Jan got it wrong. This must've really been getting to him if he didn't even have it in him to get annoyed at that.</p><p>That didn't mean Jan was gonna go easy on him, though. He wanted answers, and he was so close to getting them. "Part of it, huh? But that ain't all?"</p><p>Doc nodded in confirmation, but didn't say anything more until a few more moments of Jan staring in anticipation. "It's foolish, really, now that I'm trying to find a way to put it into words."</p><p>"Yeah? Well so am I, and you still love me, right?" Rhetorical question, and also one Jan didn't want to dwell on for too long. "Just tell me. I'll be cool about it, promise."</p><p>Doc didn't outright refuse, but he didn't reply either, just standing there with a conflicted look on his face.</p><p>"Or... If you don't wanna say it, you could just show me." Jan suggested. If Doc refused him, he was torn between letting the subject drop and tearing the gloves off himself. He wanted to be respectful and patient, but come on. Whatever it was, it couldn't have been <em>that</em> bad.</p><p>Doc relaxed at the suggestion, but only marginally. "I suppose I could do that, but if you go back on your promise then these are never coming off around you again."</p><p>Promise? Oh, right. "No worries, I won't make a big deal outta whatever it is. Trust me."</p><p>"That's asking a lot of me." Doc muttered back, but still got to work removing his gloves. He undid the clasps securing them to his arms, peeling them off and setting them aside. And just like that, his hands were out in the open for Jan to see.</p><p>At first, Jan didn't notice anything off about them. They looked... pretty much how he expected them to. Felt about how he expected too, a conclusion he reached when he grabbed one of Doc's hands with two of his own.</p><p>Upon closer inspection though, he saw what must have been what Doc was so hung up on. Marks, a lot of them littered Doc's hands, at least the one Jan was focused on. Most of them were around his pointer and ring finger, a few on the thumb, and little to none on the others and the rest of the hand. Most of them were just scars, healed as much as they were gonna get but stuck there. There were also quite a few more recent marks, scabbed over and still healing. And on one of his fingers, a spot that was completely fresh, drying blood smudged a bit around the area. On top of that, he could also see some bruising, mostly around the more recent ones.</p><p>He brushed his thumbs along some of the marks, taking the sight in. "Hmm, that all?"</p><p>Doc nodded in response. "I told you it was foolish." Despite his self-deprecating words, he was much less tense than before, clearly very relieved at Jan's lack of a reaction.</p><p>Yeah, Jan had to admit, it was pretty stupid. Everyone in Millennium was exposed to so much blood and gore that they were desensitized to it at this point, and Doc was worried that people would be grossed out by a couple little scars? But, whatever. Jan wasn't gonna give him a hard time over it, at least he knew how dumb it was. Plus, it wasn't like he chose to be self conscious about it, he couldn't control that shit.</p><p>He moved Doc's hand closer to his face, making it seem like he was gonna kiss his knuckles or some romantic shit like that. And then instead of doing that, he licked at the rapidly drying blood from the most recent bite mark.</p><p>Doc's hand twitched in his grasp, but he didn't make any move to pull away. "You're disgusting."</p><p>"Yeah, and I don't see you complaining. You fuckin' love it." Jan pulled away to speak, only after getting every drop he could, which wasn't much since the cut really wasn't deep. Which sucked, since Doc's blood was probably the best thing he'd ever tasted. </p><p>He wondered why that was. Was it a psychological thing? Like his brain recognized that he was feeding off someone he cared about so it just tasted better? Or... He'd heard that being given blood willingly was a lot different than taking it by force, maybe it had something to do with that? Nobody else had ever <em>let</em> Jan have their blood, making him need to tear into them and take it through force, so it wasn't like he had much frame of reference here.</p><p>Whatever, it didn't matter. That was something he could think about later. For now, he looked up at Doc to gauge his reaction, noting the lack of a response.</p><p>When their eyes met, Doc looked away, his face flushing an even deeper red than it already had been.</p><p>Jan allowed himself a smug little laugh, flicking his tongue against Doc's finger again. Not to try and coax any more blood out, just cause he could. Yeah, Doc fucking loved it.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>First fic of the new year and it's these two gay bitches. Happy new year, everybody<br/>Anyway, once someone pointed out that Doc's hands would probably be all fucked up from biting at them &amp; I haven't been able to stop thinking abt it</p></blockquote></div></div>
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